A Little Braggin' on My Boys!

Last night was a first for our family. Our two boys faced each other in a futsal match. Two Haskells on opposite teams. Hardly fair to pit a team of freshmen against a team made up mostly of seniors and a couple of juniors. Part of me didn’t even want to go watch this happen. I’ll admit, I wasn’t giving either of the boys the benefit of the doubt. They are brothers after all. For some reason human nature seems to dictate that, above all else, we must compete and defeat our kin, especially a brother. Add to that a very strong dose of Haskell/Rogers competitiveness and it just sounds like the setting for some very hurt feelings and maybe a little blood.

Our boys proved me wrong, though. Yes, they were very determined and very competitive throughout the match. But mostly they entertained teammates and fans alike! Ethan thoroughly impressed his big brother with his goalie skills. Sure, Justin scored on him a few times, but objectively speaking, anyone in the goal would have been scored upon. Watching them pat each other on the back and even praise one another was refreshing. It made me a proud mama. I was proud of Justin’s willingness to not go for blood against the freshmen and even to encourage and high five them when they made a good play. I was also proud of Ethan as he stepped up and showed leadership on his team and never showed frustration or anger at the sound stomping they received from the seniors – especially when one was his big brother.

After the game Ethan gave me a quick hug and then said he had to catch up with J and his friends. It made me smile to see him tagging along with the big guys, and also to see J and his friends make room for him to join them.

I know it’s kind of a silly little thing. Two boys playing soccer together. Proud parents. Not too exciting or out of the norm. But I think at times we are all a lot like high school boys. Sometimes we are the proven senior given a choice to soundly, and perhaps not so graciously, defeat those not as accomplished as we might be; or the eager freshman, hoping to find acceptance and to prove we are worthy of the task, worthy of being part of the group. I’m glad I caught a glimpse of maturity and grace in my senior last night, and a glimpse of strength and courage in my freshman. In my eyes, both stepped up to the challenge and passed the test with flying colors.

In Need

Two weekends ago I took part in a food distribution downtown Knoxville at Beaumont Elementary School. Over 200 volunteers from Faith Promise arrived in the early morning dark to begin preparation for 400 families receiving boxes of food, toiletries and household supplies. We anxiously ran around setting up tables and lining up boxes, trying to keep warm as frigid wind blew right through us.

You know, there’s something wonderful about working side by side with other Christ followers, esp. when doing something that makes you feel really good inside! There’s also something wonderful, and humbling, about spending time in the presence of those who are in need.

I could tell you many stories about the people who showed up for help that day. The little boy with eyes so blue, so full of sorrow, that I don’t think I’ll ever forget him. Both the little boy and his daddy had filthy clothes and looked as if they hadn’t had much to eat in a very long time. Or the lady with two teeth that smiled and said she’d really like to have my sweat suit when I’m finished with it! Over a cup of hot chocolate she shared about a pregnant mom who slept on her floor for a couple of weeks so she wouldn’t be outside with her toddler. Another declared she was just sick of drug dealers knocking on her door every night.

I could go on with stories. Many others there walked these folks to their homes as the boxes were kind of heavy. They saw and heard stories of hunger and need that left all of us overwhelmed. Overwhelmed with a desire to help and overwhelmed with thankfulness for our own situations.

I’m thankful that as a church we didn’t just go down there for a one time get in and get out feel good time. We have many in that school every week investing in kid’s lives as big brothers and sisters. We’ve adopted Beaumont as a church so we will continue to have a presence there, meeting needs as we can. I just keep thinking about the many, many faces that came through that cold parking lot that Saturday morning. So much need. I don’t want to just feel good that I helped out one time. We all have so much in comparison. Really what I want is to make sure I really am living as Jesus did, out there in the world, face to face with those who need Him, who need us, not huddled in church just looking out for us.

First Round of Bragging

Can’t believe it’s that time of year again…or maybe it’s the fact that my kids are growing up so fast that I can’t believe?! Can I really have a 7th grader, a 9th grader and a 12th grader this year? I’m so thankful for the three kids God has given to me. It’s just awesome how different they each are and the unique gifts and abilities he’s put in each one of them. Hey, it’s my blog so if I want to brag a little on my kids, I can, right?!

Monday, Kayla began 7th grade in another new school! But what a trooper she is, so flexible and able to make friends very easily! I know that will serve her well in life. Hungarians used to tell us she would be a great ambassador someday with her ability to fit into any group of people and quickly make friends.

I remember when 3 days into a 2 week vacation in Tunisia left Kayla with a very nasty ear infection. Unable to spend her days in the water with the rest of us, she joined the kid’s program with numerous kids from many different countries. None of the other kids spoke English or Hungarian, but that didn’t deter Kayla. At the end of the 2 weeks she was heartbroken to say goodbye to her new best friends!

I have so many similar vacation stories of Kayla. She never met a stranger and she was never intimidated by language barrier! She found a way to communicate with those she wanted to get to know one way or another and somehow became fast friends. I believe she was given a gift when God made her that way!

As adults we are often so uncomfortable with anyone different then us. Whether it’s a different language, culture or background we often shy away from getting to know someone because of the way it makes us feel. Maybe we don’t see the value of getting to know those who are different than we are; maybe we are afraid we won’t be understood. I wonder how many times we miss out on some really neat opportunities because of our fears.

I find myself hoping Kayla will keep this adventurous spirit alive in her and hope she’ll remain filled with curiosity for those who are different! It would be so cool if she does become an ambassador someday, but my heart's real desire is to see God use her openness towards those who are different to make a real kingdom difference!

No Fear in Love

There is no fear in love; but perfect love casts out fear, because fear involves punishment, and the one who fears is not perfected in love. I John 4:18

Oswald Chambers said “To be surrendered to God is of more value than our personal holiness. Concern over our personal holiness causes us to focus our eyes on ourselves, and we become overly concerned about the way we walk and talk and look, out of fear of offending God. “but perfect love casts out fear…” once we are surrendered to God (1 John 4:18). We should quit asking ourselves, “Am I of any use?” and accept the truth that we really are not much use to Him. The issue is never of being of use, but of being of value to God Himself. Once we are totally surrendered to God, He will work through us all the time.”

I’ve been reflecting on Pastor Chris’ message last week and then spurred on by a blog written by Art, our small groups Pastor as well. I think this idea of perfect love is where God wants us to focus our energy instead of on the legalistic view of the Christian life that religion often gives us. Somehow, we need to turn our focus from doing to being. Doing usually involves trying to please someone, earning affection, approval or, religiously speaking, our salvation.

The tendency of religion is to try to perfect our holiness, or at least our image of being holy. But as Chambers points out, that is often motivated by fear, not love. It’s when we take off that mask of holiness and allow our true selves to be seen that we can see how radical God’s love is for us. He loves us despite who we are under that mask. He values us. He doesn’t need us to do anything. And if we are truly looking in that mirror, minus the mask, we see that it’s ridiculous to even pretend we have anything to offer. At our very core, we are sinners. Nothing to give, but still, we are somehow valuable to the God of the universe. Wow!

Once we pry our eyes off ourselves and look into the face of a Father who loves us perfectly, we’ll begin to reflect that perfect love to others. I think that’s what He wants us to understand about being a Christian or literally Christ-like…to reflect His love for us. Christ didn’t walk the earth exuding this persona of holiness. He loved as no other human had ever loved. People were drawn to His love, not His holiness.

I, for one, am relieved that I’m not asked to achieve His holiness. The fear of falling short of that task overwhelms! Instead, I am to reflect His love. When I realize all He’s done for me, despite my pitiful failings, it’s a whole lot easier to show love to others…to love as He loved us.

Facing Changes

Wow, I had planned on keeping my blog updated at least weekly. Have I let things slip! Much has happened in the past couple of weeks; it seems like change is coming at me from every direction. I’m trying to figure out how well I react to change. It’s easy for me to see how it affects my kids as I watch them go through it.

My oldest in particular has hated change from the time he was very little. Unfortunately, he’s had to face that challenge over and over and over growing up as a Missionary Kid. No matter the situation – new school (almost too many to count), new country, new town, new soccer team, anything new - he’s had to be pushed out the door and usually we question if it’s worth the fight. Ironically, he usually adjusts quicker than the rest of us to the new location and we have to ask him afterwards, “why the fuss?” One of the most vivid examples of this was when we told J we were moving back to the states. He stormed off angrily. The next day he came to us and said “fine, we can move back to the states, just promise me we won’t have to come back here”. The fuss was not at all about Hungary or America, it was completely about change.

I have to admit, I’ve always prided myself in being a very adaptable person. I love new places, enjoy meeting people and adventure screams out to me. Any personality assessment places me high in the pioneer category. One thing I think God has been teaching me, though, is that I like to be in control of the changes. Unfortunately, I’m a slow learner, so He has shown me quite a bit lately that I’ve got to let go. Really, I imagine He laughs at me when I say that, as if I actually had any control of my circumstances! The one place I find myself coming back to over and over is on my knees in front of Him, arms out stretched, giving Him back what I had no business trying to control. I’m so glad He’s a patient Father!

The past couple of weeks I’ve been trying to keep up with the changes going on around me. My kids can’t possibly be that old! I have a junior in high school? Now we are beginning to look at colleges – that just can’t be true! And then I’ve had a huge change of jobs and we’ve become business owners. I’m excited, and scared. I’ve questioned if I can do this, if it’s a good time to step out, and yet, I really love owning and managing Krave Juice. On top of all of this, I’ve been given an opportunity to plug into our small groups ministry at church by helping write for the School of Leaders. I’ve really been praying for something like this to come along. I could go on and on as the past couple of weeks have been loaded with change. Most of the change has been good, but I’m afraid I’ve fussed a bit at God. Change can be painful and almost always gets us out of our comfort zone. The key for me is how long I’ll try to grab control of the situation before I realize God’s plan is perfect and I can trust Him to have the best in mind for me.

Christmas with my Mom

It’s almost halftime of my Eagles’ playoff game. I’m one of those strange females who enjoys watching football. Growing up, I thought I might be the next quarterback for the Vikings.

Though a football career wasn’t in my future I did always feel that my parents supported me in whatever I pursued. In fact, I’m pretty sure my parents never missed a single game, home or away, for any sport I played. Even when I played college volleyball, two hours from home, I could still often look up and see my parents in the stands. Thankfully, neither of my parents were the screaming kind, at me or the refs!

I’ve been thinking a lot about my parents these days. We just had a wonderful Christmas with both of our parents. For the first time ever we spent an entire week with both families. My Mom was much quieter than the last time we spent time together. She’s been sick for about 10 years now.

At 55 Mom was diagnosed with Alzheimer’s. I flew back to the US after that dreaded call from my brother that said I should fly home to see Mom soon as she probably wouldn’t recognize me for long. It was kind of my ‘goodbye to Mom’ trip. During my week there I drove Mom the two hours to Billings, Montana for a shopping trip. I’m so glad I have that memory with her. Though she was already very different than the Mom I grew up with, she was still able to talk with me and for the most part knew I was her daughter.

The Mom I remember was very little, yet feisty. Mom taught me to ski the Rockies. Mom was a prayer warrior. I know you’ve all heard of people who have been labeled a prayer warrior, but I knew one personally. Numerous times I’ve gone looking for my Mom and found her on her knees in her room. Most often, tears were streaming down her face. In college it was sort of the joke among our friends that when we made it through a difficult situation, or came through a close brush with an accident that “Lori’s Mom must have been praying”. And often, I’d call Mom and she’d say she was just praying for me.

One thing that always shocked me on the mission field was the number of missionaries who said they were there without their parent’s support. Often, their parent’s were believers. I could never understand how one could not support their child going anywhere God wanted them to go. I understood missing them, I missed my family tremendously, but having their support was life-giving! When we shared with my parents that we felt God wanted us to go to into overseas missions they told us they were thrilled. I never forgot my Mom saying that she had prayed every day of my life that God would use us in His ministry, even if that meant I would go far away. That blessing from her was a gift to me and to my family.

With three kids of my own now I find myself thinking about the memories we are building with them. I pray my children know I’ll support them in whatever they do and that I’ll be praying for them as they go.

Sufficient Courage

Today is a big day for me. I'm a writer at heart, have been since I could put together a sentence. Lately though, I've had many excuses for not writing. I spend my day thinking as a writer, wishing I could put my thoughts on paper...I think it's time I begin actually doing that! Maybe that's why I struggle with the two books I'm currently trying to write. I have so many different things come to mind that I have a hard time focusing on the one topic. I'll admit right up front that I have a short attention span. Probably the real problem is that I try to focus on way to many things at one time!

I've decided to call my blog "sufficient courage". The verse in Philippians gave me the idea (it's on my profile) but it has spurred in me so many different feelings. Courage is something I've kind of prided myself in since I was a child. Growing up a tomboy allowed me many opportunities to prove that I was courageous. Whether through playing sports or performing on stage, I was always pretty confident in my abilities.

Moving with my husband and our three kids overseas pushed me beyond my own abilities. Becoming a missionary had been my dream from the age of 5 so I felt confident that Hungary was the place for me, but the Hungarian language and culture was definitely outside of my comfort zone. I learned something wonderful during that time though...I am much happier and much more fulfilled when I no longer control the circumstances but I've surrendered it all to God. It's not as easy as that sounds, believe me, I know that first hand! Maybe sometime I'll delve into what I experienced over the 9 years in Hungary.

Coming back to the US took much more courage than going to Hungary. Sounds strange doesn't it? Going to Hungary was my dream, but I was coming back to the unknown. In the 3 1/2 years since we've been back I've been working on my courage. It's very frustrating to me to feel unsure, insecure, even a bit like a coward. I believe God's working with me to help me see who I am in Him and to have courage...not so much in my own abilities but in who He's made me to be...and to have sufficient courage to face this new life with boldness!